I have been thinking alot lately these past couple of days. Thinking mainly about my life and what it's purpose is. I am really nobody special, but yet, I have been told countless times that I am meant for greater things; meant to accomplish great feats.
They say every event in your life serves to mould us into the person we are meant to become. If this is so, then that means our purpose in life is really our destiny. We are all created for a purpose? Does this mean that no matter what I do, it does not matter either way because I will still end up in the same place?
How can this be? Why? Do they mean to say that Hitler was meant to be as evil as he was? Do they mean to say that individuals who went on to become soldiers and died in battle were meant to die on the bloody battlefields?
Is this what purpose is all about - a predetermination?
No, I refuse to believe this. I refuse to believe that human beings are born into this world with their future pretty much already mapped out for them.
I am a firm believer in God, and I believe He is the architect of our Destiny - but I also believe that He would not take away our free will, in other words, the freedom to choose who we want to become in life. However, if this is the case, then what about Judas Iscariot? You know - the man who betrayed Jesus Christ? Scriptures say that Jesus Christ, The Messiah, was meant to die for our sins. It also says that one of his followers would betray Him so that His death could fulfill scriptures. Judas Iscariot's act of betrayal was already foretold in scriptures!!
I can't believe it. Was Judas, then, meant to betray Jesus? Was that his destiny? Was he born into this world to carry out that one act of betrayal. This is important seeing as that Judas dies a disgraceful death by hanging himself.
Was it his destiny? If so, does that not exclude the rest of us? After all, Judas was an ordinary man. I only hope he sought for forgiveness after he committed that sin - maybe he realized the error of his ways after he betrayed Jesus and handed him over to the Pharisees. Maybe he was so sorry for what he did that he saw suicide as the only right thing to do. Maybe he didn't know that Jesus was willing to forgive Him after what he had done.
I try to justify Judas' actions because I want to believe that all human beings can be saved and redeemed. I want to believe that, even though Judas betrayed Jesus, "the son of man", he had to because it would be the only way that Jesus could be handed over successfully to the Pharisees.
To be a believe in Jesus, you have to believe in purpose and destiny. To be totally honest, I still wonder why I am the way I am, or why I was born into a privileged family. I often would ask God why he wanted me to leave my home to pursue my education in a foreign country. At times I feel afraid, because I don't know what the future holds. What scares me even more is losing face if I end up not performing well in this new environment. I have already given up so much by coming here to this new and strange environment. I want to know if my coming here has a purpose. I need to know if I made the right decision by coming here.
Am I really destined for great things as my family, friends and acquaintances say I am? Are all these recent occurrences in my life all part of a Divine plan.
What if I fail? What then? I leave this place and go back home and start again from the bottom? I can't do that to my family and to everyone counting on me. I can't.
Whether my being here has a purpose or not, whether or not it is part of a greater Divine plan, I know I cannot fall.
After I thought about all these things, I realized something wonderful. I realized that Life throws you into different situations, some more extreme than others, and most importantly changes how you view the world. I guess the best I can do is to do my best in whatever situation I am in. Yes, I don't doubt that certain situations will compel me to question the purpose behind their occurrences, but regardless of these, I have learned that what makes a person who he/she is, is not the family they were born into nor their identity, rather, it is the all the experiences that they have gone through that has constantly moulded them into who they are.
It is not what you are, it is who you are that matters the most.
